#i cant even decide which method is my favorite

[harmonicunt]

i rly cant see myself as separate from the primordial soup. every flaw i see in others is a reflection of myself, every joy too. every cruelty, all kindness. so many people see themselves as leaning towards one or another, but thats wrong, isnt it ? we're capable of all, in our own particular ways. youll pin yourself & doom growth if you put yourself in one corner.

narratives about who you are are mostly about who you think you are--and the thinking is only one fractal of it. i think ive been afraid of defining myself by the "doing" part of my existence because for so long i didnt feel like the "doing" was anything important or interesting or fulfilling. i didnt have language to show what it was teaching me, what it really meant--it was all isolation, and boredom, and rage. it was that, and it was more, and now that im still doing many of the same things alongside that which i truly want, which i find self respect in, which i am fulfilled through, i can see how i could've used different language to spin it in a different light, to be less lonely and afraid of myself. as my story evolves and changes each time i tell it, as others' stories of me grow (and i learn to listen to them, and trust them), im open to all the ways i hadn't seen before, and i understand how blind we are to who we are in one particular moment. reflection must come second.

thinking & doing are two pillars of our selves, pillars we learn to build and tear down and build again. i'm trying to figure out where our control over those pillars lie. i know there are more--we are more than what we think and what we do--and i know we can change and reshape them, but the first shaping is amazing to begin with. is the first shaping the one everyone else does when we're young, and we don't know how to do it ourselves? or the one we do when we emerge, when we look at how our pillars been formed for us--a necessary evil, unfortunately,--and we decide that it should be something else, something that belongs to us? some people never make their own, and i think many of them are very unfulfilled. each one is unique. the idea you can control it utterly, shape yourself into anything you want, is partially a false narrative, addressed by the fact that at first we have no control over what shape it takes. then, i think almost everyone finds there is an immutable self they can never put a finger on, no matter how long they circle around it. you repaint, and carve in new grooves, and add height or branches. you circle around a self you won't know until you've found them. we have many methods of circling around to the self, of seeing what fits with the pillar we think we want to create, and then adjusting when we realize that's not quite the look we thought it'd be.

i've employed a few strange ones through my life, one of the most curious that i come back to often being kin & kinning. a sort of pinning that often felt like a chicken/egg situation, even while i was in it i found it fascinating. what i was and what i wanted to be and what i thought i would be (i was kinning when i was 12-16ish, so i wasn't much of anything but a ball of energy and wanting) merged together into these grand pulls to characters who werent necessarily favorites but made me fucking insane because of what of myself i saw in them (sometimes it still happens, but it's gotten weirder and more specific as ive aged, and harder to explain or project to others who dont already know me.)

i dont know where im going with this. can we ever know ourselves if we dont know who we are to others ? if we dont listen to what they say about us? it feels bad when someone doesnt take what youve said about them, compliment or criticism or neutral, seriously. people who ignore compliments or use them to insult themselves, and people who ignore criticism and tell themselves that they are the best at something you have been struggling with them for, convincing themselves that the problems they run into are external and eschewing responsibility. how far can we push our own self actualization before collapsing? how happy can we convince ourselves we are, not knowing the joy on the other side ? what tells us that we're miserable in the shape that's been built for us? why do we all seem to forget from time to time that everyone else has been using the same scale of time that we have been to build theirs? why do we flatten them to the pillar we see in one moment, inconsiderate of what came before ? it's self-centered, and that's seen as very dirty, but we can't be anything but self-centered when we're only in our own heads, right ? generosity, consideration, kindness, respect, so much of that is in the eye of the beholder. what we think of as universally decent can make another think of us as deeply annoying, even rude, culturally or personally. idk. we're all the same and we're all different and it's weird and i could add questions and ponderings to this forever but ill stop here. i love you.

[yoichichi]

JJK when they want attention

warning(s): none !

a/n: just smth sweet rq by my mf baby 🥳!! Hope you guys like hehehehe

characters: yuuji, megumi, gojo, nanami, inumaki, nobara, & maki

Yuuji

Has literally no problem being bold faced about it I PROMISE. If he’s feeling cuddly and clingy and you guys are alone he’s whining and clinging onto you, doing any and everything in his power to convince you to come nap with him or cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. If you’re in public he has a ~method (which he definitely thinks is a total secret and he’s a genius mastermind but you’re 100% onto him and just thinks he’s so cute so you give in most of the time).

He’ll come up behind you, even if you’re taller than him, and hug you super tight around your midsection, mumbling about how tired he is and, oh gosh, how warm it would probably be under the covers if the two of you were cuddling right now. And, man, I don’t know, napping? When you giggle and give in he gets so giddy and holds your hand super tight all the way home.

Sometimes though he just wants your attention and praise so he’ll talk about things he did that day that he thinks you might be proud of him for 😭 and every time you say anything along the lines of “good job” or show your interest he gets so happy and lights up :)

Megumi

Megumi is a starer sorry not sorry LOL. You’ll even be alone, in your own shared home, and you’ll feel a pair of eyes staring at you from the other end of the couch and when you turn your head to ask what’s up he’s looking away super fast hoping you didn’t notice, as if him not so secretly turning his head away from you doesn’t give it away. He just feels so weird asking for your attention - and not just cause he’s shy but he gets all in his head about it.

He doesn’t want to seem weird asking you for attention, maybe you’re not in the mood. What if it makes you uncomfortable? What if you feel like you have to say yes? Or what if you say no and it’s awkward? How would he even ask for attention? He’s just generally an over thinker and slightly embarrassed over how much he just wants you to pay attention to him.

Over the course of your relationship though you’ve picked up on his little signs and have learned how to coerce him into letting you know what he wants, as well as giving him attention when he needs it.

Ask him a few questions about anything and through the course of the conversation you’ve somehow brought his head to your lap and are now playing with his hair until he passes out, and he’s in heaven <3

He’s very lucky to have such an attentive s/o :)!

Gojo

A WHINER. A LOUD BABY WHINER. He’ll often opt for making inappropriate comments too - even if you’re in public - to make it seem like ~that’s the reason he wants you in bed, but then he’s suddenly “super tired” and thinks cuddling is a better idea instead. Why he just can’t tell you he’s in the mood for cuddling you never know

He will blow your notifs up and not give af 😭 texting you endlessly like

(y/n)

(y/n)

(y/n)

(y/n)

I miss you :(

(y/n)

HELLOOOOO

[1 photo attachment]

it’s my penis 😜

14 missed FaceTime calls from “gojo.”

I’m sorry I’m joking it’s not my penis don’t be mad :(

It’s actually not his penis

If you do answer one of his spontaneous calls though it’s just him smiling at the phone like “whatcha doingggg?” Cause he misses you and your face

He also is constantly sending you things while he’s away with work, postcards, gifts, treats, you name it. You cant blame him for missing you sm :(

And when he does get home from a trip he’s actually a bit quieter, looking forward to just wrapping you up in his arms and cuddling with you until you fall asleep. But he makes sure to stay awake so he can look at your face and think about how cute you look sleeping and probably drooling a little <3

Nanami

No words, just sighs and hands. This was particularly common when he still had his boring office job - although now with gojo he just has to give you a look when he gets home that says, “this man is gonna kill me, please just hold me.”

He’s most clingy and cuddly when he’s tired/fatigued. It’s so easy for you to coerce him to bed or to relax when he’s visibly drained cause all it takes is some quick work of your hands on his sore muscles or running through his hair, or better yet undoing his tie for him, and he’s putty in your hands. He always watches so intently too when you take the time to take off his suit jacket and tie for him, even going so far as to unbutton his shirt. You know it’s been a long day when he lets you do this and after he’s decided he’s stared at you and basked in you long enough, he grabs your cheeks and leaves you a sweet sensual kiss. He always sighs deeply and then pulls you into a hug, every once in a while you even hear him mumble about how lucky he is.

If he ever just wants your attention though he kind of makes a fussy show about it 🤭 I’m talking sighing periodically and staring at you and once you look at him like ,, yes? He starts asking you random questions about your day or just in general. He just wants you to look at him and talk to him ok?

Inumaki

Ok he’s a very different person depending on whether you’re in public or in private:

In public it’s a lot more subtle cues. Like fidgeting with your hands a lot, tugging on your clothes even or sometimes staring at you really trying to work up the puppy dog act like :( cuddles please?? Or if you’re sitting down somewhere maybe he’ll rest his head on his shoulder to really signal to you he’s feeling cuddly. There was only one time where he had to take drastic measures and text you cause you just were NOT taking the hint.

You were busy listening to Yuuji and rambling back and forth with him when your phone suddenly went off and it was a text from Toge that just said “🤨 give me 10 reasons why I don’t have you in bed right now cuddling with me.😐 since when did yuuji talking about dogs suddenly become so interesting 🧐?” LIKE ABSJAJSJAA

In private it’s a very similar attitude at times he’s just physically more bold. Like he’s not above picking you up and carrying you somewhere he can hold you and kiss all over your cheeks <3 he’s a little less bratty about it when it comes to you two cause he knows you want affection just as much as he does at those times :) although he thinks making a show of things is very funny to him

Nobara

Her favorite form of affection and attention from you is lowkey head pats or when you ruffle her hair. It all started when she did some trivial thing and as a joke you reached your hand over to ruffle her hair and tell her how good of a job she did, and sure it was funny but man what she wouldn’t give to have you do that again.

So now she often finds herself babbling on to you about all the things she’s done recently that she’s proud of when she wants your attention, hoping you’ll praise her again in any way. She especially loves when it’s unexpected though, when she’s not fishing for praise and she just gets it. Or rather any kind of compliment really. Something about it makes her heart soar <3

She also really likes when you do her makeup so she’ll often ask you to try things on her or to even do your makeup <3 even if you’re just playing around, it feels so soothing and she loves getting to stare at you so close I love her I gtg

Maki

She likes to pester when she’s feeling clingy. Checks in with you and any responsibilities you may have so she can immerse herself in them with you and just work on things with you :) like no matter what it is she’ll find a way to get herself involved 😭 she really just wants extra quality time with you and will find any way to do it without seeming too ~mushy, mushy just isn’t really her thing

When she wants to cuddle though she’ll try to trick you into thinking you need rest HSKJJAJA

“You seem tired, why don’t you rest. I’ll help you fall asleep.”

Or

“Hmm you look pretty sore. I’ll go run you a bath, sit and wait here.”

Acts of service anyone?

Also, praise is actually kind of important from you, she never really received it much growing up having dealt with her family, and doesn’t feel like she needs it to feel proud of herself. But something about hearing you praise her over even the tiniest things has her feeling some type of way every single time.

Y’all just love and cherish each other what can I say <3

Pls leave comments, flood my inbox, Rb, whatever u prefer I just love hearing your kind words :D love and miss these fools 😪 and as always I really hope you guys enjoyed my first jjk piece :)!

taglist: @plutowrites @aracynthos

if you wanna be added to any taglist just ask!

[a-pop-of-korean]

what inspired you to learn korean? once you began to study more seriously, what were your main resources, as well as whether or not you’d recommend them today? or if you have other resources you’d like to recommend?

I decided to start learning Korean because most of my friends growing up spoke a different language but I did not. I always thought speaking a different language was super cool and useful — it’s not only impressive to see, but it really broadens your horizons! I also really enjoyed K-pop and thought it would be cool to try to understand what my favorite songs were communicating!

When I started to study more regularly, I used a few different resources that I’ll list here:

Talk to Me in Korean: I remember listening to a lot of their podcast lessons and watching their YouTube videos. I def recommend it — they’re one of the most popular resources for a reason!

Howtostudykorean.com: This is a blog you’ve probably heard of. It’s run by a non-native speaker, which I think is kinda cool since I think non-native speakers can have special insight to help others out. That said, I’ve heard conflicting opinions about it and even I’ve seen some inaccuracies in their lessons. Some of their lessons are also more complicated than they have to be in my opinion. I would recommend it anyway just because it helped me get pretty far when I started advancing, but I wouldn’t use it as my only resource.

Other miscellaneous blogs and YouTube videos: Sometimes when I see a grammar structure I’m not familiar with, I just Google it and see what comes up. I look at a few different websites just to make sure I’m getting accurate info. Some of these websites include sayhikorean, topikguide, and koreanwikiproject. I don’t really use Tumblr that much for this, but I’ve def come across some great langblrs! While I unfortunately cant name any off the top of my head, I think just searching around should be helpful. When you’re at a level where you can comfortably understand them, I recommend watching videos that teach Korean grammar in Korean as well. It’s a fun challenge and a great way to learn :)

K-dramas and webtoons: It can be hard to immerse yourself in a language if you aren’t surrounded by native speakers. I recommend using K-dramas (for any level really) and webtoons (for more intermediate/advanced learners) to help with this! The website Viki has a really nice “Learn Mode” feature that displays both the Korean and English subtitles of a K-drama. Highly recommend! More about my webtoon recs here!

Apps: Some apps I really like are Drops and Hilokal! I’ve also tried Lingodeer, Tandem and Beelinguap for a while and those seem helpful as well. There are prob a number of other apps I haven’t tried too, so try them all out and see what works! (I’m personally not a fan of Duolingo for Korean tho so maybe skip that one lmao)

That’s a long list! Overwhelming, I know, but keep in mind that I’ve been studying since 2016 and have had plenty of time to try all these out. I would just recommend not relying on one resource and studying a little bit everyday. Just playing Drops for five minutes or reading a webtoon on the bus can make a difference. Try these methods out and see what works for you! I hope this helps, thanks for the question! 화이팅!

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Ok but as someone who was not born nor raised in America until much later in life, I need to know, what the fuck is y'alls obsession with serial killers?

The context of this question is not important, but I'll still talk about it cause I need to talk about this encounter. So I'll just have it under a read more for those who want to understand where I'm coming from with this.

So theres this girl in my philosophy class who I unfortunately went to high school with, and on it's own I cannot stand this girl so already her shit on very thin ice with me. But anyways, this girl is notoriously obsessed with serial killers, like extremely obsessed, to say that in high school she wanted to make an entire group research project about how oversexualization in the media contributed to serial killers, which on it's own is a lot to unpack, nevermind the fact that nobody in our group saw it had anything to do with anything. But yeah, extremely obsessed with sk. So what happened was that at some point in my philosophy class a few weeks ago, our professor brought up something that ended up spiraling down a rabbit hole about cannibalism, and this bitch decided to bring up Jeffrey Dahmer and was basically saying how he was her favorite serial killer and how interesting he was like. Which like maybe from a psychological perspective but to say that hes your favourite serial killer? Like yo, are you fucking hearing yourself? Thankfully the prof cut that shit short. Buttt fast foward to today, my professor brought up the dilemma of better and worse desires, and his example was a man needing to eat and a man wanting to kill. And you guessed it, this bitch went, "do you mean eat as in cannibalism like dahmer?" And everyone just went yo what the fuck (verbatim, the guy behind me said that). And she went on about dahmer. So the prof once again moved on to a different example. Then at the end of class, the guy behind me asked her what was her obsession with dahmer, which yeah rightfully so, and she once again said he was her favourite serial killer, and then the guy went on to compare dahmer and Bundy I guess in mortality or how successful their methods were, which by then I was about to check out. But what really made me question this girl's sanity was that she went to explain in detail one of dahmers very gruesome murders and acts of cannibalism with absolute casualty, like she was stating a fun fact. By then I went straight out the door, and I guessed the guy followed my example because he followed after me and left her talking. Which like yeah no, I wouldn't want to listen to her serial killer infatuation any longer either.

And the fact of the matter is that this girl is not the only girl who has this morbid interest in serial killers, like at this point with the amount of documentaries and stylized movies/shows that have been made about REAL LIFE sk (mind you when I say real, real people who murdered real people who still have living family members, or maybe even victims that might still be alive, those people are fucking real) I think these hideous men are just romanticized to a point that is disgusting. Like the amount of people I've seen that are obsessed with the new dahmer show is absolutely sickening. I personally like crime shows, and shows like mind hunter where they used actual police procedures while exploring the hideous nature of these killers do a really good job at showing it without romantazinting it. And I'll even listen to YouTubers talk about and analyze notorious serial killers, but that's it. I dont inquire more, I dont go researching about every single crime, about every single kill, and i sure as hell dont go researching every single detail about someone so vile simply out of curiosity or interest. And for similar reason, things like the dahmer show or the netflix Bundy movie are just things I cant get myself to watch because it feels entirely different, it feels like with them being front and center, you're supposed to understand them, get inside their heads because to some extent it interests you. But it goes too far cause it's one thing to look true crime and find their psyche interesting from a psychological or criminology stand point, but it's a completely different one to find genuine intesterest in said hideous acts when you're doing it solely for your own curiosity and interest, and not because its your job, as it may be the case for a criminal psychologist, forensic or law enforcement. Like you're gonna tell me that knowing how someone decapitated another person, kept the head and then fucked it is valuable or interesting to you? A 14-18 year old has no business being so deeply invested or obsessed with these sk, especially when they show absolutely zero regard for the victims or the impact those disgusting people had on those they hurt.

The romatization of sk and killers in general is a fucking problem and you can't fucking tell me that it's not.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk babes.

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Five years ago, the women on this site who treated me like trash over loving Labyrinth and shipping Jareth/Sarah were almost always obliviously consuming Radfem propaganda, or were out and out Radfems/Terfs themselves.

They were the types of people who casually threw the word “pedophile” around against grown women who shipped an adult Sarah with Jareth, aka literally one of the most popular ships for women in fandom for 30 years.

Pretty much invariably, these women had serious sex-negative anxieties, which included a severe paranoia about any and all kink and fetish, and porn in general. I saw a lot of shocking, fear-mongering propaganda surrounding sexual expression. Pretty much invariably, their method of approach involved immediate personal shock-value attacks on anyone they perceived to be “bad.”

Today, you can look at the way some people react to other popular so-called “problematic” ships and recognize the same toxic, fear-mongering rhetoric coming from women who consider themselves regular, trans-inclusive feminists. Sometimes it even manifests in the words of very well-meaning people (including myself here), who feel the need to talk about specific issues that pertain to their own experiences of trauma and oppression.

The people who shit on Labyrinth often seem to not really be able to comprehend that the Goblin King, like the film itself, is canonically a representation of a teen girl’s psyche, a soup of fears and anxieties and desires and dreams. He’s not a literal human adult preying on a literal child, and to read the film that way seriously undermines the entire point of the film. 

When I (and people of many fandoms) say “This is fiction, calm down,” I’m not just saying it’s not real so it cant hurt you and you can’t criticize me. I’m trying to call attention to what fiction actually is - artistic representations of feelings and experiences. The Goblin King is Sarah’s fiction. Therefore, he can be anything she or any woman who identifies with her wants him to be, including her lover when she’s grown and ready for such a thing.

I once took an alarming dive into Beetlejuice fandom to see what content was there (the cartoon was a favorite when I was little). Chillingly, what you’ll find is an extremely wounded fanbase, with a sharp divide between the older women who had long been shipping BJ/Lydia because of their love for the cartoon series (and whom were previously the vast majority of the Beetlejuice fandom), and a massive amount of young people riding the wave of the musical fad who had decided that the entire old school Beetlejuice fandom was populated by literal pedophiles. 

I saw death threats. Suicide baiting. Constant, constant toxic discourse. It did not matter how the BJ/Lydia fandom dealt with any particular issues that would exist in their ship, in fact I’m certain that the people abusing them cared very little to even consider if they were trying to handle it at all. The only thing that mattered was that they were disgusting subhuman scum asking for abuse. If you have at any time reblogged recent Beetlejuice fan art or content from fans of the musical, you have more than likely been engaging positively with the content of someone participating in toxic fandom behavior.

Nobody is really sticking up for them, either, as far as I saw. It’s really hard to imagine how painful it must be to have such a large group of people explode into into your relatively private fandom space to tell you that you are evil, vile, and deserve constant abuse, and also you are no longer allowed into the fandom space to engage in it’s content. But I think there’s something very alarming indeed about this happening specifically to the BJ fandom, and I’ll explain why. 

The pop-culture characterization of Beetlejuice, which is heavily influenced by the cartoon series to be clear, has always in my mind been a vaguely ageless being who matches with the psychological maturity of whatever age Lydia is supposed to be. He’s more or less like an imaginary friend, a manifestation of Lydia’s psyche. In fact, I would argue that i think most of us who grew up with the cartoon or it’s subsequent merchandizing before the musical ever existed probably internalized the idea as BJ and Lydia as this ageless, salt-and-pepper-shaker couple beloved by the goth community, similar to Gomez and Morticia. In each version of canon he may be a creepy ghost in the literal sense, but any adult who is capable of identifying literary tropes (even just subconciously) would read cartoon!BJ as an artistic representation of a socially awkward outcast girl’s inner world. Lydia’s darker dispositions and interests, which alienate her from most others, are freely accepted and embraced by her spooky magical friend. BJ/Lydia in the cartoon were depicted as best friends, but to my memory there was always an underlying sense that they had secret feelings for each other, which I identified easily even as a small child. In fact, their dynamic and behavior perfectly reflected the psychological development of the show’s target demographic. They are best friends who get into adventures and learning experiences together, who have delicate feelings for each other but lack any true adult romantic/sexual understanding to acknowledge those feelings, let alone pursue them.

Though I haven’t seen the Musical yet, I’ve read the wiki and I would argue that it embodies this exact same concept even more so for it’s own version of the characters, in that Beetlejuice specifically exists to help Lydia process her mother’s death.

This is not a complicated thing to recognize and comprehend whatsoever. In fact, it looks downright blatant. It’s also a clear indicator of what BJ/Lydia means to the women who have long loved it. It was a story about a spooky wierd girl being loved and accepted and understood for who she was, and it gave them a sense of solidarity. It makes perfect sense why those women would stick with those characters, and create a safe little space for themselves to and imagine their beloved characters growing and having adult lives and experiencing adult drama, in just the same ways that the women of the Labyrinth fandom do. That’s all these women were doing. And now, they can’t do it without facing intense verbal violence. That safe space is poisoned now.

Having grown up with the cartoon as one of my favorites and been around goth subculture stuff for decades, I was actually shocked and squicked at the original Beetlejuice film’s narrative once I actually saw it, because it was extremely divorced from what these two characters had evolved into for goth subculture and what they meant to me. It’s not telling the same story, and is in fact about the Maitland's specifically. In pretty much exactly the same way two different versions of Little Red Riding Hood can be extremely different from each other, the film is a different animal. While I imagine that the film version has been at the heart of a lot of this confused fear-mongering around all other versions of the characters, I would no more judge different adaptations of these characters any more than I would condemn a version of Little Red in which Red and the Wolf are best friends or lovers just because the very first iteration of LRRH was about protecting yourself from predators.

I would even argue that the people who have engaged in Anti-shipper behavior over BJ/Lydia are in intense denial over the fact that BJ being interested in Lydia, either as blatant predatory behavior a la the film or on a peer level as in the cartoon (and musical?) is an inextricable part of canon. Beetlejuice was always attracted to Lydia, and it was not always cute or amusing. Beetlejuice was not always a beloved buddy character, an in fact was originally written as a gross scumbag. That’s just what he was. Even people engaging with him now by writing OC girlfriends for him (as stand-ins for the salt-and-pepper-shaker space Lydia used to take up, because obviously that was part of the core fun of the characters), or just loving him as a character, are erasing parts of his character’s history in order to do so. They are actively refusing to be held responsible for being fans of new version of him despite the fact that he engaged in overt predatory behavior in the original film. In fact, I would venture to say that they are actively erasing the fact that Musical Beetliejuice tried to marry a teenager and as far as I’m aware, seemed to like the idea (because he’s probably a fucking figment of her imagination but go off I guess). The only reason they can have a version of this character who could be perceived as “buddy” material is because...the cartoon had an impact on our pop cultural perception of what the character and his dynamic with Lydia is. 

We can have a version of the Big Bad Wolf who’s a creepy monster. We can have a version who’s sweet and lovable. We can have a version that lives in the middle. We can have a version who’s a hybrid between Red and the Wolf (a la Ruby in OUAT). All of these things can exist in the same world, and can even be loved for different reasons by the same people.

I’ve been using Beetlejuice as an example here because it’s kind of perfect for my overall point regarding the toxic ideologies in fandom right now across many different spaces, including ones for progressive and queer media, and how much so many people don’t recognize how deeply they’ve been radicalized into literalist and sex-negative radfem rhetoric, to the point where we aren’t allowed to have difficult, messy explorations of imperfect, flawed humans, and that art is never going to be 100% pure and without flaw in it’s ability to convey what it wants to convey.

This includes the rhetoric I’ve seen across the board, from She-Ra to A:TLA to Star Wars to Lovecraft Country. We don’t talk about the inherent malleable, subjective, or charmingly imperfect nature of fiction any more. Transformation and reclamation are myths in this space. Everything is in rigid categories. It is seemingly very difficult for some of these people to engage with anything that is not able to be clearly labeled as one thing or another (see the inherent transphobic and biphobic elements of the most intense rhetoric). They destroy anything they cannot filter through their ideology. When women act in a way that breaks from their narrative of womanhood (like...not having a vagina), then those women must be condemned instead of understood. Anything that challenges them or makes them uncomfortable is a mortal sin. There is an extraordinary level of both hypocrisy and repressive denial that is underlying the behavior I’m seeing now. Much like toxic Christian conservatism, these people often are discovered engaging in the same behaviors and interests that they condemn behind closed doors (or just out of sheer cognitive dissonance). As an example, one of the people who talked shit to me about Labyrinth was a huge fan of Kill La Kill, which to my knowledge was an anime about a teenage girl in like, superpowered lingere (hence why I stayed the fuck away from that shit myself). Indeed, they even allow themselves plenty of leeway for behavior far worse than they condemn others for, and create support systems for the worst of their own abusers. 

Quite frankly, I’m tired. Instead of talking about theoretical problematic shit, we need to start talking about quantifiable harm. Because as far as I can tell, the most real, immediate, and quantifiable harm done because of anybody’s favorite ships or pieces of media seems to consistently be the kind that’s done to the people who experience verbal violence and abuse and manipulation and suicide baiting and death threats from the people who have a problem.

[spacetickles]

I also see ya like TAZ!! Who'd your fav character from each of the campaigns? (And if ya got any headcanons for them 👀) ~@eldritchtickles

I love TAZ!

My favorite character from each campaign, that's tough hmmmm

just kidding its Lup I'm gay.

Seriously though, my favorite character from balance is deffo a tie between Lup and Taako, my favorite from amnesty is probably Minerva and I don't really have a favorite from graduation but it'd probably be the firbolg

as for headcanons...

Taako

I'm fucking here for ticklish wizards, its all of them no one knows why its probably a class feature or whatever

Dude is ticklish as fuck, no question about it, he hates when people know it though. So what a fuckin trip it is when Magnus and Merle need no invitation to tackle him out of nowhere. As much of a hardass as he is about it around groups he cannot hide that he likes it one on one even a little. Kravitz finds out almost immediately after they start dating, mostly thanks to Magnus and Angus. 

His worst spot is probably his thighs or his ribs, but you'd never know it since he screams if you even think about going for his ears. He’s pretty screechy about the whole ordeal, cursing out whomever has decided to tackle him and take him down a peg, at least for the first three minutes or so, until he just cant keep it up and just lies there and takes it. 

As a ler he is more than fucking ready to waste spell slots on this shit do not test him. Teasing only flusters him but god if he doesn't give whomever he’s tickling the smuggest look he can muster. He is ruthless about his revenge, gotta keep up appearances and all that. 

Lup

She's a goddamn monster, however fucking ruthless Taako is Lup is 20x worse. She doesn't even bother wasting spell slots, she just throws people to the ground, she has taken magnus down, there is no escape from her. Her nails are killer, and she knows it. 

Being a lich has kinda messed with her sensitivity, she used to be just as ticklish as taako, but now she’s barely ticklish in most places. Her stomach, sides and her ears are pretty much the only places that will really get her laughing now. She is a squirmer, she’ll fight you, and probably get the upper hand before you can even blink. 

She loves it, openly, thinks its fun and is a good way to get her more serious team members to open up more, Lucretia. Lup and Magnus are a force to be reckoned with even to each other, they both are total lers, no one is safe from them if they're together. 

Magnus

He’s a total teddy bear. No other word for it, he loves tickling his friends but he’d rather stab his foot and stare at the bloody wound than overstep and hurt somebody. He generally stayed away from roughhousing with the crew for the first few years, even longer with Lucretia, Davenport and Barry. he really didn't want to overstep. 

That being said, once he’s sure whos comfortable with what, he is unstoppable. God, when he finds out the twins like it, he has a field day! They don't escape his grip for a good 48 hours before he calms down about it. He is very much about lightly pinning and just going to town, it’s his favorite. 

The teddy analogy works both ways, dude has the cutest of worst spots. His stomach is killer, his underarms make him curl into a ball. his hands are too worn to be ticklish but his wrists are surprisingly sensitive. (Julia loved that one) 

Merle

Terrible old man, horrible. He’s very smug about knowing the starblaster crews spots by heart. No one knows how he knows, or where he got the information, he claims pan gave it to him if asked, but its bullshit. He keeps this knowledge after having his memory wiped, and Lucretia is more than surprised when Merle tweaks her knee before he has his memory back, Merle is equally as confused why the director made a sound like she swallowed a snail when he did it.  

It’s equally as confusing for Magnus and Taako when Merle leans back and yells out spots for Magnus to try when he has Taako pinned, especially when they're spots even Taako forgot he had. 

He is the only one who even knows Davenport is ticklish, and he has been sworn to secrecy (something he takes very seriously). 

Lucretia 

Starblaster baby, she’s the youngest of them of course she is a target for tickle attacks. After the first few years, once she starts warming up to the crew she seals her fate. She leaned into a Magnus hug one too many times and now she will never be respected again. 

She is a baby about tickling too, cant take it at all. Her knees are the worst, and she kicks. Lord knows Magnus has gotten a chipped tooth or two from that. Once she loses some of her life in Wonderland she is almost content that her ticklishness fled with her youth, she is proven incredibly wrong once she hires Merle, Magnus and Taako. 

She’s they're bloody boss now and they still treat her like their younger sister, if she weren't so endeared she might be mad about it. They poke and prod at her whenever they get the chance, try and get her to break her serious facade.  

Davenport

No one but merle even knows he’s ticklish, and he will keep it like that. That is not a promise it’s a threat. 

Barry

For a dude with so many classes, he can’t defend himself for shit. No one even tried to see if he was ticklish for the first few years. Lup, of course, tried first and scored the absolute jackpot. 

He is the most ticklish person on the starblaster crew, rivaling Taako, and he absolutely had to pay the price for that. Up until he became a lich along with Lup he was one of the number one victims of tickle attacks. 

As a lich, he is not ticklish. however, unlike Lup, in a human vessel, he is almost more ticklish than before, to the point that is almost unbearable. The others really had to ease up on him after that, because it would get overwhelming. They still sneak in pokes here and there but only every once and a while. 

After losing his memory the sensitivity was something he had to deal with a lot, not just in the sense of tickling, everything felt more, which became overwhelming occasionally.  

Angus

Baby boy, baby. He is absolutely a walking tickle spot. He very much does not like it though. He is the worlds best detective, he’s also 10 but that's less important.

He knows its a important bonding tool for Taako, Magnus and Merle, so he indulges them a little. They know he’s not a major fan, so they lay off him more often than not.  He might grow into liking it more when he’s older and less concerned about being serious, but for now its not his favorite. 

He is, however, not above sleuthing out their worst spots and gleefully telling others, though. (such as Kravitz, of whom listens very intently as Angus explains just how much tickling means to Taako, while talking around Taako’s hand trying to get him to be quiet mind you, but that’s not important) 

Kravitz

Dude has been dead for a long ass while, he probably used to be ticklish, but he very much isn’t now, much to taako’s chagrin. Even after his heart starts again, he’s not very sensitive at all. You might be able to get him to laugh if you surprise him, his neck and back are just about the only places that could qualify as ticklish, and really only if he’s not expecting it. 

He does very much enjoy making Taako laugh though, and takes quite a lot of joy from having such an effective method of doing so. He doesn't really get into tickle fights with anyone else, though he’s interested in why becoming liches had such different affects on Lup and Barry. 

I don't have any comprehensive headcanons for amnesty unfortunately. 

[kyutown]

Good evening my liege! 💖 I was intrigued to find out about you while diving deeper into tumblr hell so, I am here with a plead to ship me with nct and svt, of you'd be so kind ✨

Alright so for starters, I'm an infp! I'm a generally well-mannered person with people I meet for the first time, borderline sweet and awkward at the same time. I like not to overinvest in first meetings with people and sometimes I think I am somewhat defensive of myself. My emotions always show on my face, both the good and the bad ones. So if someone does say something that I find offensive or whatnot, it SHOWS. I generally hate rude and offensive people all together, as well as people who are vulgar if we're not well acquainted first.

I'm not good at starting conversations and I usually just tend to listen to my friends talk most of the time. It's not like I have nothing to say but I really like listening to my favorite people ramble on about things they love or generally talk about their lives. Im a pretty good listener and I am always objective, even with my family. I won't hold back and I will give you my honest opinion in every case. I always try to see from all perspectives, maybe that's why I'm often somewhat indecisive.

That being said, I really don't shut up about things I love or my hobbies. I'm usually the mood maker of the group as I hate conflict and tension. I am a very sarcastic and cynical person in general and that reflects on my humor, which can vary from vulgar to very dark and inappropriate. Yes, the type of person that will try to hold in their laughter cause I made a mental joke to a funeral. I love witty, stimulating and deep conversations. I'm not that big on casual chitchat but it's okay most of the time I guess.

I'm the personification of open-minded and im also quite opinionated and I can back up my arguments if needed but I tend to avoid getting into heated conversations cause again, my mind reads it as tension. I love being around friends doing nothing and everything but most of the time, I find alone time to be very healing for my mind and soul. I find authenticity and weird little quirks that people have extremely attractive. I'm somewhat stubborn as well.

I also used to have stress and anxiety issues, not anything serious but enough that I had trouble sleeping at night. It was just a few years ago that I decided to not care about every single thing and have a more of a "fuck that" approach in life and honestly, I've never imagined that it would be so liberating. I regained my confidence, physically and mentally, it was an empowering process! I really do believe that self-exploring and healing is the no1 most important thing that someone can do. Love yourself first and foremost and fck what anybody thinks.

So, moving on xD I am a romantic and soft deep down, even though I try not to show sad emotions when around people. But you can be sure I cry at random rescuing dog videos, or videos with people helping each other. I love humanity but hate it at the same time? ���� Idk if that makes sense, it is what I feel lol I love to learn new random stuff! I'm currently studying linguistics and uni and I aim to be a translator or interpreter, cause i love languages and the cultural differences that come with it. Hence my undying love for music of different genres and languages! Music relaxes me and I couldn't imagine going on without it for more than 3 days. While I do tend to listen to kpop which is more upbeat and experimental, I also LOVE Latin music and rock. I love love traveling around the world! My hobbies include drawing which I'm self taught, fashion and creative writing! I tend to daydream A LOT during the day and so many ideas pop up in my head. I love exploring other cultures' religions and beliefs as well as mythology. I always found it fascinating. I love plants as well! My room is basically a garden xD I also love mystical but also borderline creepy and gory stuff xD I call skulls "pretty" the same way I would call a puppy "cute" 🤣 I'm aware οf that but I can't help but enjoy the look of horror in people's faces xD

oh, I really enjoy observing people as well! Not in a weird way! Their mannerisms, the way they speak, their features. I also love thriller and horror movies the most as well as dark social drama ones. You know, with murders, suicides etc I like how in even the tiniest ways they depict our society as people and frankly, it's sad but I try to be optimistic and keep a positive approach in life. I also really appreciate stand-up comedy xD

Closing up this huge essay, some last things xD I, and I cannot stress this enough, am unable to flirt. Like at all. I can't even maintain eye contact for more than two Seconds. I wish I was kidding. Sadly I'm not 😂Weird thing is, turns out I am actually able to flirt but I'm not aware I'm doing it?? I'm a master at text flirting apparently lololol. What I am, is also called DENSE AS SHIT when it comes to couple things. True story, if you want to do the freaky with your s/o and you need me to leave the room you better TELL ME RIGHT TO MY FACE or else, we gon be there aaaaall night xD And its actually a remarkable feature of mine, considering how dirty minded I usually am lol

I also think I'm touch starved sometimes, like I really like hugs and cuddling and teasing but I'm not gonna ask for it🥺I'm a night owl and I tend to procrastinate a lot. I can't work efficiently if there's not a deadline, like I need that pressure on me in order to function xD My weak spot is actually to act whiny and needy and cutely in front of me. I can do ANYTHING that u ask me of when this happens. And if I show any resistance, JUST KEEP IT UP. I'm jelly on the floor when this happens. Idfk why, it just works?? My sister is abusing the sht out of this method 😭I can't say I make friends easily, cause I believe I do come off as maybe off-putting or weird at times, plus as I said if you're really cant shove your conversation in my face the first time we meet, imma be just an awkward ball of giggles and smiles and "can I go home now pls" 🤣 My general aesthetic / vibes would be sunsets on beaches, soft grunge, cottage core, lofi and hedge witch aesthetics!

Okay so, I think that's everything and probably way more than u needed, so thank you for reading everything my stupid ass wrote❤️

hi! thank you for responding!

for nct, i think yuta would be a nice fit! yuta also likes rock as his favorite band is one ok rock which is a rock band. i feel like you guys would always listen to music (not always rock) and would enjoy making time go by like this!

for seventeen, i think you would match well with the8! the8 would be the type to enjoy exploring new cultures with you and new religions, he would also love to dress up with you and put together outfits with you!

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 2- chapters 3 and 4

time for post 2 babeyy!! i didnt try to really be funny in this one like i did the last one, so i hope u dont mind!! heres a link to the first post if u missed it! ill make a masterpost of all the parts once im done with all the chapters. now lets get into trance and dementia!! (that sounds. hilarious out of context)

here we are at trance! the name of this one is pretty clear, but ill still go into the definition for the sake of clarity. basically, a trance is a state of half consciousness and an absence of response to external stimuli, like what you might experience when under deep hypnosis. this is probably referencing the “episodes” that melissa would go into where she would jsut kinda stare off into the distance and not emote all that much. the music here is compared to the videodrome theme, which probably means theres a consistent high note in the background, with the main attraction of the song being garbled electronic noises, maybe with some more coherent synth coming in at some point. either way, it probably is meant to make you feel uneasy because as we all know, high pitched noises are spooky.

the new kaiju this time around is orga (a kaiju with some mutated godzilla dna in it). this makes zach realize that this game couldnt be just some unreleased version of the normal one (as if fuckin red appearing didnt already make that clear) so he now figures that its a rom hack of some kind that his friend just happened to find. im glad he didnt just immediately go to assuming it was haunted because thats SUCH a common thing in these creepypastas and its so dumb?? good job cosby... anyways the first level zach goes into is also the first quiz level, where we finally meet face!!! my beloved,, i dont really know how to approach the quiz levels tbh? because on one hand i wanna examine face as a character all at once but on the other hand i wanna talk about them as i go... for this post ill leave all the quiz stuff out, but i wanna know if yall would want them included in the future! ill just make a separate post for all the quiz levels if you dont :3. overall though, the first quiz level gives me the feeling that face is assessing who and what zach is, maybe throwing random stuff in to make it not seem suspicious or something?

anyways, zach finishes the quiz level and moves onto a green temple level. zach describes the music of these levels as hypnotic, which might relate to the planet name? the only enemies in this level are dead things, specifically a ghost thing and a bat with a horse skull head, who probably killed the things that became the ghosts. already this world is a little different than pathos because it has buildings in it!! specifically, this world is filled with green temple levels, which i think translates in-game universe to two large temples and three smaller ones (based on how the levels are kinda clumped together, with single ones kinda spread out). outside of the temples are the same empty blue mountain stages that pathos had, but now with not-moguera hangin around! i feel like this further proves my idea i talked about in the last post, where not-moguera and not-gezora killed all the life on the planet together, because as far as is said the blue mountains are still empty here except for not-moguera. theres also some cave stages from pathos here, but not as many.

moving on, after zach gets through some stages its time for the bosses! first up is not-varan, whos sprite looks like its an altered version of varans actual sprite from the original game, just like the other not-kaijus so far. i think this is a theme among all of the nots here so ill just say when they dont look made up of the originals parts from now on. not-varan fights by kicking and shooting heat-seeking missiles. its head is backwards, so it cant see whats in front of it. i get the feeling that the missiles are heat-seeking in order to kill anything coming towards it that it cant see and the kicks are more of a desperation thing, like oh god my missiles didnt kill something and now its hurting me, i need to get away or something like that. so i guess i would describe its fighting style as defensive? anyways, moving on. next zach fights not-hedorah, who is the source of the horse-bats. this is the first one that doesnt seem to be made up of an original monsters parts, but it does have the same color scheme so theres that. not-hedorahs fighting is a lot more aggressive, summoning horse-bats to keep you distracted while he goes to town on you. i think a second not-moguera was put here to help not-hedorah kill everything, because i don't think not-varan would be very useful when it comes to doing that lmao. so after zach beats not-hedorah, no more horse-bats spawn which is neat! after beating not-hedorah, zach tries to enter the base level without beating orga but it doesnt work so i wont dwell on it.

orga is just a normal godzilla monster, so there isnt as much to say about him. i do think that orga was an original resident of trance before the not-kaiju came around to kill everything, like biollante was on pathos. he fights by punching, shooting a heat beam, and eating other monsters! i think this last one, even tho its a normal part of the kaiju, is here to foreshadow reds preferred method of killing things that we see later (especially since orga also unhinges his jaw to eat things). anyways this fight makes zach geek out and think that the game must have been made by a fellow person of culture and godzilla fan!! which is funny for reasons ill get into later. he doesnt have much time for a fanboy moment tho bc he has to run the mile again with coach red!

this time around, the game is trying to trip zach up by including some obstacles to avoid while you run from red. red doesnt have any issue with them though, theyre not meant to keep him away from you, after all.  zach was freaked out but he still has his epic gamer skillz so he beat the level just fine. when he was done he yelled in gamer delight before red looked at him like “shut the hell up” and zach almost pissed himself. and thats trance!! before i move onto dementia tho, i wanna talk about trance itself because of course i do. i think this planet used to be home to a lot of creatures like pathos was, but this society was more developed and spirituality was very important to them, hence all of the temples. i dont think it was a very somber or strict society though, mainly im getting that from the temple music having an “indian techno vibe” to, it. so from what i gather, this society was very spiritual but also they liked to party. while im on the subject of the temples, i think that face is hiding out in either like a small side building or a hidden room inside of one of the big green temples. trance probably used to be his home, and when everything started getting killed i think he hid out somewhere he would be safe. i dont know about yall, but the quiz levels always gave me the impression that they were indoors for some reason? so that definitely contributes to the hiding in a temple idea but i think it still works if you dont feel the same. i think thats all i really have to say about trance, so lets move on to dementia!

ok as usual, were starting out with the planets name: dementia. you know what dementia is but again, for the sake of clarity its basically a disorder caused by brain injury or disease that causes memory loss, personality changes, and impaired reasoning. im not entirely sure why dementia specifically was chosen here, and my best guess for what it could mean is that maybe its foreshadowing melissas condition? it doesnt really resemble dementia at all but thats my best guess lmao. anyways, this chapter starts out with zach still freaking out about red looking at him and wondering whats up with the game before we get our board description this time around. its during this little beginning part that he decides that he has to finish the game just to see what the hell is even going on with it, which like. fair. ok so the boards music is described as basically a slow piano cover of the original games saturn theme.

as will be the routine from now on, zach starts with the quiz level. the questions face asks this time around seem like hes trying to get to know more about zach at this point, though theres still the usual unrelated questions mixed in (though theres only like 4 of them this time)! for the last question he asks, face must have figured out that zach is a human because he offers him a new monster! zach obviously says yes pogs irl when he sees that face gave him anguirus, his second favorite godzilla monster (whats his favorite godzilla monster? is it godzilla? he hasnt mentioned a favorite monster yet so why bring up your second favorite? idk) and one that hes wanted to play as since he was a child, which is interesting (im sure youre sick of hearing this by now but, more on that later). ok now onto the levels.

the first kind of level is a palette swap of the blue mountains from the last two worlds, but this time theres also water! the music is “a very simple song with a lot of abrupt pauses, followed by a loud note every few seconds” so take from that what you will. this level doesnt have any enemies in it, just like the last two, but this time it looks like zachs goin for a swim bc were goin underwater babeyy!! the enemies in the water consisted of a piranha (which zach likes because he can “tell what it is” talk about a buzzkill) and a spiky bottom feeder thing whatever taht means. and that's it for that level type. kinda boring but the other two level types make up for it. speaking of, lets go onto the next level type! these levels actually have an in-game name for them; unforgiving cold. these levels are very long, taking place in a castle dungeon made of blue bricks, with statues of terrified faces lining the walls. these levels made zach really anxious, and the longer he played them the more he felt like he was getting close to something “unspeakably evil” yea sure dude. its now that he starts to suspect something supernatural is going on, because he thinks the game can make the player feel things at will, which imean he isnt wrong? also the music in these levels is just a looping choir that sounded familiar to zach for some reason. there werent any enemies (which im realizing is a running theme in this thing huh) so were onto the first boss, not-baragon.

not-baragon is another one that isnt made up of its originals parts, but still has the same color scheme. he fights with a really strong kick, ice breath, and pissing on you with a gatling gun dick. yes im being serious. like??? i didnt remember taht being a thing but oh my god just look at this shit.

comedy gold. you even do extra damage to him if you attack the gun like??? anyways zach beats not-baragon and goes on to the last level type, the arctic. the level is literally just an icy tundra with some water segments, and the music is compared to northern hemispheres from donkey kong country but 8bit? and zach described it as “dangerous sounding” so theres that. the enemies here consist of a thing that zach says kinda looks like not-gezora but without the eye (i can kinda see it? maybe) thats frozen in ice, a spike ball with legs that explodes and shoots spikes everywhere when it dies, and the piranhas from the green mountains. the last two are only in the water segments, because yea theres water segments and theyve got platforming babeyy!! at the end of the level, theres a mini boss fight with maguma (a walrus kaiju), who runs away when you beat him. thats all the levels, so we can get on to the rest of the bosses!

the next boss is manda, a sea dragon kaiju. he fights by spitting fire, biting, and constricting (also he switches things up if somethings not working, so hes a pretty smart cookie). during the fight the atragon (which is like an airship from one of the movies i think?) shows up to help, which zach thought was epic and poggers even tho it didnt help at all. and thats the manda fight, moving on! the next fight is weird, because nothing is there for a little while before a fish shows up, screams, and then gets fuckin kilt by not-gigan. once again, it doesnt resemble the original but it uses the same color palette. it fought with a blood beam it shot from its mouth and a slash, and zach described it as fast and unrelenting, so definitely a really aggressive mike wazowski lookin motherfucker. after zach beats him, he goes on to the last boss of dementia, spacegodzilla (i guess the people who make the kaiju were going through a creative block or something lmao). spacegodzilla looks like normal godzilla but hes blue now and hes got ice!! why tf is he called spacegodzilla!!! anyways hes also more strategic with his fighting pattern, making ice crystal spires taht charges up his special meter and also keeps you from reaching him. when you do get close to him, you participate in a funney big dinosaur slap fight until u win, pog!! now on a completely different note, big reds comin to town (aw shit. here we go again)

this time around the chase is mostly underwater (tho its blood now bc ooo spooky,, sometimes i forget that this story is supposed to be scary tbh) so red has to put his floaties on before he can follow zach. theres also landmines over pits and red reveals his weird tentacle hand mouth tongue before zach finally gets away and the chase is over. reds startin to get frustrated bro, he's tried to catch this fucker like 3 times now wadda hell!!! btw these chase sections are a lot less crazy than i thought they were like. huh. ig its more intense when you listen to a reading lol. anyways now its time to talk about dementia as a planet. i think the whole “the not-kaijus are killing all the stuff on these planets for red” still holds true, and i feel like it will continue to do that, so ill just briefly mention it from now on. this planet is all ice and water basically though, so i think they had a harder time doing it this time, hence why the underwater sections have more enemies and the only original kaiju here can stay underwater for protection. also, i think face followed zach to dementia from trance because he realized what zach was doing and wanted to help out, which is why he gave zach anguirus.

basically i picture dementia to be a planet thats mostly water with some land thrown in, and an old dilapidated castle in the center. i think the castle itself was probably destroyed by the not-kaijus (along with anything alive that might have been in it). i cant decide if i think spacegodzilla or manda would have lived there, so ill just say they both lived there as gay lovers or somehting. as for the statue faces, theyve appeared on trance and dementia so far, and theyll continue to appear throughout the pasta. basically, i think these represent melissa and/or her presence. like in the green temples on trance, i think that alludes to how melissa is kind of an “angel” or divine being later in the game, and in the blue castle i think they could represent how melissa is (supposedly, more on that later) being held in the game so she can be tortured forever (which is why they look fuckin terrified). i think thats all i have to say about dementia.

before i end the post i wanted to say something abt the planets names. in the first post, i said i would talk about the planets names significance all at once but i. completely forgot that while writing this one, so ill just do them as i go from now on!! basically what i think the significance of pathos’ name is could be multiple things. it could be referencing the sad state of the planet itself, it could be foreshadowing that playing this game is going to be a painful experience for zach, or it could be talking about the incident with melissa, and how that was a really painful experience for zach (i wouldnt be surprised if it gave zach ptsd honestly). so thats the end of the post babeyy!! next up is entropy and extus!

[kpopchangedmylife44]

Reaction: Ateez cheat on their partner and they will be forgiven

A/N: this was requested and I was struggling a little to write it as I couldn’t imagine them ever cheating on their partner. But cheating can come in many ways, so I tried to give a variety of methods and reasons. The forgiving part was also quite difficult, as you really need to understand the other person and their reasons to move on or ,,repair“ the relationship.

Genre: fluff, angst (heartbreak, break up, mental health, idk it’s just sad at times)

I hope you enjoy it regardless! 😂

Hongjoong

- you were together for 2 years and you always struggled with communication

- as he was so busy at tour you tried to call him, but often times it didn’t work out

- one day you were taking his laptop cause yours broke down

- while searching for the pictures of your weekend trip, you found another file of pictures with him and some other woman

- before freaking out, you needed to see what this was all about

- but it become quite clear when you saw all these kisses and hugs and other romantic stuff

- of course it hurt you, but for some reason you were not that surprised

- he saw you staring at one picture and became speechless

- his face was in disbelief and you recognized in that moment that both of you did put minimal effort into the relationship and weren’t happy anymore

- ,,Hongjoong, we need to talk about this. We have always had our problems and I see how you already moved on. I feel like we both screwed up by taking everything for granted and not making the effort and I do love you, but this is not enough.“

- there was no resentment towards him and he was shocked for some time, staring blankly at you

- then he nodded as he thought more about your words

- ,,I‘m truly sorry y/n. Things were always so difficult between us and it never came easy. With her I feel like everything fall into place but I should have told you earlier. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I guess I failed.“

- he invited you on a walk through town, while you talked about all the good and bad things of your relationship

- when you parted ways there were no hard feelings and you felt really light for the first time in years

Seonghwa

- you and Seonghwa were a great team, always supporting each other

- before dating, you would consider each other best friends

- you both had feelings for the other one, so you gave it a shoot

- altough your relationship didn’t change that much, some things became pretty awkward (in the bedroom)

- you just didn’t click in this part of the relationship and you were both too embarrassed and confused to talk about it

- because of this situation there was a lack of all things skinship

- so you were basically like friends once again as neither of you felt particularly attracted to the other one

- when he went on tour he felt loved for the first time in ages during a performance

- a lot of his fans would do anything to be in your spot and he was aware of this

- so he did something that he has never done before - he took advantage of his position as a famous singer to make himself feel better

- and for a short amount of time it actually helped

- but after he returned home a week later, he confessed everything to you

,,Oh god, y/n. I did something terrible on tour and I don’t know if you will ever forgive me for that.“

- he started freaking out and you were the one judging him now until he said what you recognized a couple months ago

- you were not angry at him (and everyone should be in this situation), so you knew that something wasn’t adding up

,,I don’t want to give a reason for my behavior, but I haven’t felt loved for a very long time now and I think you feel the same. I didn’t do it to hurt you, but what’s the point of being in a relationship, if we can’t make each other happy.“

- his words came out so fast, he was almost rapping, so you stopped him by saying something unexpected

,,You’re right, Seonghwa. And the strangest thing is that I’m not even angry at you. It feels like we’re not even in a relationship. It has been like this for too long and it needs to stop. I love you, but we’re just better off as friends.“

- he was stunned for some time, before he lifted you up in a hug, repeating how sorry he is and that both of you should have been more honest with each other

- you relax afterwards and watch some stupid shows afterwards and it feels really natural

- some people are meant to be friends and nothing more

Yunho

- he thought that he found the love of his life at a very young age with his childhood friend

- they were always together and over the years they developed feelings for each other

- 3 years into the relationship Yunhos partner moved away and left him heartbroken

- he always thought that they could find each other one day, but he found you in the meantime

- you were really happy, but you got the feeling that something was missing

- one day Yunho walked down to his apartment and there she was - his first love

- you watched the way Yunho looked at her and how she looked at him, they both met in a hug and before he could do anything she gave him a short kiss, which he didn’t reject until moments later

- when he recognized that you were standing nearby, he felt so guilty and both of you went into his apartment to talk things out

- of course you were heartbroken, but deep down you always knew that you were not meant to be together, at least not for your whole life

- at this point Yunho started crying and apologized for everything, but you interrupted him

- ,,The way you looked at it each other... it’s just I can’t blame you for finding your soulmate. You always talked about her and now I get it. I love you so much and I hope you will become happy with her, altough I wish it could be me.“

- Yunho was stunned, wanting to say a thousand things at once, but he couldn’t

- he started to cry again, while smiling bitterly and wrapped you into a hug

- ,,I‘m so sorry y/n. I want you to know that I do love you, but it’s just...“

- you nodded, because you understood

- his whole face was in pain when he looked at you, guilt washed over his facial features

- but he also didn’t try to get your relationship back together

- sometimes people are just not meant to be with each other

- years later he invited you to his wedding and his baby shower and you knew that it had been the right decision to let him go

Yeosang

- you were dating him for almost 3 years and were really happy except for one important thing

- you shared some interests and always had fun together, but you felt like you were not on the same page when you both started to talk about important topics like the future

- it was actually really hard to talk to him at times and you often fought about little things

- both of you never really opened up to each other and just bottled up your feelings this way

- one day you came to your favorite café to get drinks just to see Yeosang with another woman

- he didn’t see you so you decided to listen to his conversation

- he was deeply engaged into the conversation, talking about all of the topics you both ignored

- and they shared their opinions or discussed them deeply, but no one got upset afterwards like you always did

- in this moment you knew that you could cheat in many ways

- Yeosang was emotionally cheating on you as he was more involved into this conversation than with you during your whole relationship

- you paid and went home and a few hours later Yeosang came by

- you cut right through the bullshit

- ,,Listen Yeosang, I saw you at our café with this woman and ...“

- he immediately shut down

,,Its not like what you think it is. We’re not together. I just talk to her.“

- ,,Because you cant talk to me in this way.“

- he was surprised you said this out loud, but he agreed

,,I feel like we never agree on anything. I can’t talk about so many things with you and same goes for you. We never get each other and it’s so hard to continue this way.“

- Yeosangs face was a mix of guilt and sadness, he could barely look at you

- ,,I know what you mean and I think we tried too much and it never worked out. I don’t blame you for finding someone you can talk to so easily. But I do love you, so I just need to know if you want to deepen this relationship.“

- he hesitated for a few seconds and altough you saw it coming, your heart broke a little since you still loved him so much

- ,,y/n, I really love you, but I‘m not sure about this either. I don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying I could picture myself with someone other than you.“

- this answer was enough for you to know

- you had a really long talk this day with Yeosang, talking about all of your feelings and topics you avoided

- everything inside you exploded (play Elliot Smith bottle up and explode) but in a good way

- you came to the realization that if you haven’t ignored the topics altogether you would have realized ages ago that you envision your life differently

- and this was not bad thing to happen, people just evolve

- so Yeosang and you parted ways, but you felt like both of you could finally become more happy

San

- before confessing his feelings for you, he was in love with you for 5 years

- your relationship was kind of perfect like people would always say how much you match

- over time San felt like he wasn’t good enough for you (altough he was, he is always enough) and he started to get really insecure, but was ashamed to talk about it

- when there was a new intern at work, he started to develop a little crush on her, but nothing serious

- but because of his growing insecurities, he felt like he could never make you stay

- as a way to cope with reality and his worries, he started to talk more with the intern and after some time they became friends

- San started to imagine what it would be like to actually date her, often times drawing her (not in a creepy way, just like an artist)

- he never made a move, as he loved you too much, but one day you saw his drawings and talked to him

- ,,What is this all about?“

- he drew out a sharp breath and tried to find the words and then he told you everything, all about his feelings

- by the way he talked about her, you felt like he was describing a fantasy person

,,San, i think youre just in love with the idea of her. As you would never make a move, you will never get hurt by her. But with us it’s different. Our relationship is real and real things can hurt. I can’t promise you that we will always stay together, but we can try to make it work.“

- he looked at you like you were the only person to ever get him completely and he felt so grateful as you continued to say

,,I don’t understand why you say all these hurtful things about you. I love you and you’re always enough. You’re more than enough. You’re full of life and love and I hope you can see this one day.“

- and by that he started crying and you started crying too, holding onto each other

- after what felt like an eternity, you settled onto the sofa, cuddled up and talking more about it

- it was still a long way to go, but you were there to go it with him

Mingi

- 6 months ago Mingi asked you to marry him and you were really excited and happy

- the planning process was time consuming and difficult as you both didn’t enjoy it as much as you hoped

- thinking about the future with you always made him feel secure and happy, but now he felt really anxious

- what if things don’t work out even with a huge ass wedding

- he always feared that you would leave him for someone else, so he tried to hold even closer to you by asking you this question (and he also really loved you and wanted to marry you)

- 3 months before the wedding his anxiety really kicked in

- every night he dreamed about you leaving him and he felt like this would happen soon

- so what was the point of holding onto you when you will break up with him in the end

- than you should better do it before the wedding

- he tried to talk to you about it, wanting to break up, but you didn’t take him seriously

- ,,Mingi, I know you’re afraid and so am I. A wedding is a huge thing, but I can certainly say that I don’t want to leave you in this life.“

- that didn’t calm him down at all, instead he got the stupid idea to give you a reason to break up with him, as he was so certain it would happen anyway

- he knew that your best friend had a little crush on him, so he went to kiss her in front of you

- everyone was silent for several minutes until you took Mingi to the room next door

- just by the look on his face you knew what this was all about

- instead of being angry, you were actually concerned about his mental health

- ,,I know why you did it and I’m sorry for not taking your worries more seriously the first time. We need to talk about it and solve the problem. Don’t forget that I love and care for you and I always will.“

- Mingi started to freak out and cry

,,How can you still say you love me when I did such a horrible thing to you?“

- he tried to look at you through tears and it broke you

- you talked a lot this day and also during therapy sessions to work things out

- and they did work in the end, when you put more effort into the relationship and supporting each other’s mental health

- and it actually helped him with his anxiety and fear of losing you

- the wedding was postponed until you felt more comfortable with it

- after 2 years you finally said yes to each other and all of his worries vanished over time as you were now married for several decades

Wooyoung

- Wooyoung and you have been dating for a year

- he hated how you got along with everyone so easily, especially with that one guy from work (aka your work husband)

- you always said that it was a platonic relationship, but he felt insecure about it and also jealous as he didn’t get to see you this much himself

- when you had a birthday party at work you showed him some picture of you and your friend in each other arms

- there was nothing happening between you and him, but Wooyoung saw things differently

- he felt like you were cheating on him, shoving this pictures into his face so you could find an easy way out of this relationship

- but that was not what you intended, but Wooyoung was so angry and not thinking straight

- he wanted to get revenge so he went to a club and flirted with everyone

- there were some inappropriate pictures leaked that night and half of the world knew about

- it didn’t fail to make you feel like shit and Wooyoung hated himself for this

- when you next met up you realized what this was all about and if he could go to this extent just because he was jealous, Wooyoung was capable of anything

- ,,I love you so much Wooyoung, but we are not good for each other. But I will forgive you one day and I hope we both can move on.“

- at this point he was having a meltdown, regretting everything that happened and you couldn’t just watch him fall apart

- altough you were both hurt, you reached out to him, holding him in a hug, while you were both falling apart

Jongho

- Jongho and you have been friends for 10 years now and it became obvious that you both liked each other in a different way

- but he was afraid of this relationship

- what if you break up and things get awkward between you, so you also lose your friendship

- he was freaking out at this thought

- both of you knew of your feelings for each other and you certainly behaved like a couple, but Jongho needed an excuse to not officially date you (so you can’t break up)

- he officially started dating some other idol so the whole world would know about it

- altough he liked her, he never thought about her in this way as he still loved you

- they were actually fake dating to prevent him from confessing his real feelings to you and screw things up and she could promote her new album successfully

- you didn’t know that they were just friends and felt a little betrayed by him

- it was as if Jongho was cheating on you even though you were not technically together, but he spend so much time away from you now, so it was like he was also neglecting your friendship

- you were really upset about it, so you needed to tell him

,,Jongho, I don’t want to sound like a shitty best friend, but we never see each other anymore and it hurts to see you with her.“

- this broke him and he realized that he was ruining everything by avoiding you, so he could feel safe

- at this point he was talking 10 words a second, while his eyes got teary

,,I can’t see you this upset, y/n. I was so scared to lose you completely, so I actually drifted us apart, but I only love you.“

- ,,Apology accepted, but don’t be such an idiot next time.“

- you needed to work on this in the future, but for now he felt relieved

- with that you gave him a quick kiss and held his hand and he smiled so brightly at you, that you forgave him for everything

- he took your hand into his while saying ,,How could I miss out on this for so long?“

[an-army-of-nightmares]

Well to be fair it would have been very boring if I wrote that he has the same love language as Sinnett and also, crow gifts are still gifts and I did mention that Jekyll's language would also still be affection <3

I did not know how to hc the getting together because everything I came up with would be vaguely cheating in the beginning so I left that out dhdhdhd

Also I did not meant to make it seem like Frankenstein would be polyphobic, I'd just imagine that she'd be... Generally taking up any chance she gets at insulting Jekyll so I'm sorry it made you uncomfy dhdhdh

to be fair I did speed write that and got ahead of myself. And it is friday and I am tired. SO hc were messy and I Am Sorry <3

Augh taking awhile to respond because I honestly cant focus if there's TVs on. I cant have thoughts when my brain wants to hear everything going on the other room ahhhhhhh-

Aha! But consider, it's not all about having separate and unique things for every character, as even in real life people can have the same ways to show affection. Also I only added that crow bit so your gift idea would be semi-valid, as I am a firm believer in the fact that Jekyll cant really go and buy them gifts, unless they're lil knick knacks

Typically when thinking about polyam relationships I imagine that characters A and B get together, discuss their feeling for C and decide whether or not they want C to join and if C wants to join. Alternatively have A, B, and C all get together at once. These methods prevent a whole weird technically cheating thing that I've honestly never had happen to me when imagining characters getting together.

Specifically for Sinnett x Jekyll x Griffin I've been imagining that they discussed their crush on Jekyll, thought about bringing it up to him but felt awkward and backed out everytime they tried. And eventually during one of their attempts they meet a tired/half asleep Jekyll who says they're his favorite lodgers and he just keeps complimenting them and kinda flirting until falling back alseep. Which gives them the confidence to ask him to be their boyfriend when he wakes up again, and a flustered Jekyll accepts. Kinda like in the Jekffin fics

That's what I imagine the thought process to be when most people have Frankenstein insulting Jekyll more when he gets in a polyam relationship. But please remember that saying someone is a slut for having more than one consensual spouse/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend is 100% polyphobic and please try to avoid it, especially when you do not intend the character to be such

[joy1579]

Hi there!! I love your hc so much! I was wondering if you could write hc of rva+v and saeran with MC who’s really sensitive?? Like she will cry if you raise your voice, and when she sees cute stuff. Its fine if you don’t want to, thank you tho!!

okay so thing is i don’t write V he hits a bit close to home for me so rather than put myself through the ugly self analysis i just regulate that to my councilor sorry! that being said I am more than happy to write the rest of the characters for you. I hope I did your request justice and you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

The RFA + Saeran with super sensitive MC

Jumin

-        It took him some getting used to which isn’t to say he disliked it. It was reliving that he never had to guess how you were feeling. You wore your heart on your sleeves.

-        He doesn’t raise his voice often. More often than not what gets you is the ices in his voice when he’s frustrated. The curtness of his words and the cold calculation in his eyes.

-        He notices your shaking hands first and how watery your eyes are second. The first time it happens he shuts down completely frozen by the thought that he had hurt you, or scared you.

-        Slowly he notices this happens often and he learns what to do to calm you down. He learns that your tears don’t all mean the same thing. Sometimes you cry when he gives you the perfect gift or when you are introduced to the kittens you foster.

-        He falls in love with your happy tears and vows to hold you when the sad tears come.

-        Look he has no self- control when it comes to buying you things and I absolutely think he has a silk handkerchief dedicated to drying your eye’s

-        You have to admit its soft and cute (royal purple with a small Elizabeth the third on one corner)

-        His comforting is gentle and calm. Slow and methodical. He hushes you his thumb rubbing soothing circles into you hand as you pulled yourself together. He was ever patient and loving. A strong and stable force you could rely on.

-        Honestly your sensitivity helps him soften up considerably since he learns to be more connected and aware of things that may hurt your feeling (and by extension other peoples)

Yoosung

-        He gets it. Sorta. He understands tearing up when people fight or fling mean words like mud. he gets that way too and he definitely sympathizes with you when you mention people teasing you for being so sensitive.

-        The parts he doesn’t understand is why you cry when your happy. The first time he saw it was when you met lisa. She was so small and cute and she was yours, well yours and yoosung’s but that just made it more emotional!

-        He rushes to you searching for anything he could do to help he’s talking a mile a minute asking you a string of nearly unintelligible questions to find out what was wrong. Once you explained that they were happy tears he looks a little lost but definitely relieved.

-        He can get a bit carried away when he gets jealous and while he doesn’t technically yell his voice gets darker and rougher. He doesn’t do it one purpose of course and the second he hears your breath hitch.

-        When you get down like that wipes away your tears with his thumb and apologizes he works hard to make his voice quieter and gentler as he whispers an endless string of reassurance and love. Anything to make up for making you cry.

-        He has an entire YouTube playlist of your favorite “faith in humanity restored” videos to make you smile after bad days since being sensitive can make the world seem harsh sometimes.

Saeyoung

-        When he’s frustrated he tends to snap at people and that can sometimes include you. In the beginning he was so focused on his work he didn’t notice your sniffles and soft breath catching on the knot in your throat

-        The first time he saw you cry because of something he said was through CCTV when you left with tears in your eyes. he was sure you’d never come back. When you did come back he apologized quietly guilt clear on his face as he refused to make eye contact.

-        Those days were rough on you as he tried constantly to push you away only to apologize stiffly when he saw you hurt. Once you’ve been together a while it gets better though.

-        He’s perfected the art of spinning your emotions on their head the second he sees your eye’s tear up he starts working to make you laugh.

-        A meme, or well-timed joke can have you laughing even as the tears stream down your face and he truly believes that kind of duality is simultaneously divine and so utterly human that he prays he gets to see it every day for the rest of his life.

-        “Going from crying to laughing that fast and hard happens maybe five times in your life and that extreme right turn is the reason why we are alive, and I believe it extends our life by many years.” ― Amy Poehler, Yes Please

-        If it’s serious he’ll hold you in his lap and rest his chin on your head so you feel completely surrounded by him. In these moment he lets you cry yourself out simply holding you quietly.

Zen

-        Zen doesn’t yell. Yelling is not a strong enough term for it. This man is used to projecting his voice through entire theaters so when he gets worked up enough to lose control of the volume of his voice it can be legitimately frightening

-        Your covering your ears and squeezing your eyes shut just to stop yourself from outright sobbing even though his screaming isn’t directed towards you at all. When he hears your choked sob he spins on his heals

-        He kisses away your tears like the hopeless romantic mess he is. Also your kisses fill him with a bubbly sort of warm happiness so he hopes you feel the same way.

-        From then on he tries very hard to keep himself under control around you. He’s a passionate and fiery personality but he never wants to upset you like that. It still happens sometimes but they are fewer and farther between every time.

-        When he sees you crying over a panda cub on a zoo date he can’t help but chuckle at you. Your so cute he’s not sure he can breathe and he certainly can’t see straight because all he wants is to kiss you silly.

-        He compares you to the princess from the princess and the pea saying your sensitivity is proof of how observant and soft hearted you are. It shows how much you care about people. “you really are a princess!”            

Jaehee

-        Is surprised and stiff at first she’s mentioned before that she’s not great with emotions but she desperately wants to help you so she tries. Problem is she’s trying really hard to be a good “friend” and the fact that your clinging to her tightly and crying sniffling into her shoulder is making that difficult.

-        *pat pat* there there (don’t do anything gay don’t do anything gay) *kisses you* (damn it)

-        She’s not sure why she did that really. But your so shocked you’ve stopped crying. She cant decide if that’s a good thing or not until you break out into a giggling smile. You wipe your eyes and say “if I knew crying would be the thing that got you to kiss me I wouldn’t have hid away so much”

-        From that moment on you didn’t run and hide when you felt yourself getting a bit weepy because every time she noticed your tear glazed eye’s she’s smile fondly and use her apron or sleeve to wipe away your tears

-        She asks you what’s wrong and listens patiently as you explain holding your hands in hers. When you’ve worked through all the emotions she gives you the smallest peck on the lips and makes sure to fix whatever she can.

-        If she can’t fix it then she’ll offer what advice she can and remind you that it’s okay to take a break if you need one. After all you are the one that taught her the importance of breaks after all so she wants to return the favor if you ever feel overwhelmed.

Saeran

-        Your sensitivity drew him to you to be honest. It gave you a kinship though after mint eye he was a little hesitant to admit he was cut from the same cloth so to speak. The way you managed to thrive and grow and be strong despite your sensitivity is what gave him the courage to leave mint eye in the first place

-        Listen this boy loves you. So much so the instant he sees you crying he’s fighting tears too. On his bad days this can cause him to lash out. Better to seem angry than weak right. Wrong! now your crying more and he feels guilty. (he’s still got a lot of left over shit to sort through okay but he’s working on it)

-        He swears at himself and pulls you against his chest where he holds you so tight you can barely breath one hand on the small of your back and the other on the back of your head so you can’t pull your face away and see how angry at himself he is. (it would be very counter intuitive right now)

-        He’s not good at feelings okay, but he’s willing to step out of his comfort zone for you.

-        Not to mention he understands the sensitivity to certain things after his childhood and time at mint eye he understands triggers all too well and even though it’s not exactly the same he’s not about to fault you for being sensitive.

[mollyamory-again]

And then I wrote a really long reaction post for Endgame...

Here’s the short form:  <3 <3 <3... ??  @#(*$A)(@#*!?! <3.....<3 ....?<3? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 !!!

The super long form is below the cut...

So, I went into this movie with a lot of feelings, and I came out with a lot of feelings, and it's taking me some time to process them.

The first, and maybe the most important thing I want to say, is that regardless of my personal fannish/emotional reaction to some of the events -- the film itself was an absolute triumph.  I mean - it was amazing.  There were a great many things to love - and that is a list that includes some things I hated.  Love/hated.  Both!  The fact that they could bring a series of films that spans over a decade together in a way that had people laughing and crying in the theatres, often both at the same time - it's just truly, truly awesome.  It says something that they were able to build these real and true characters who feel important enough that their fates can actually break our hearts.  

So I applaud that, and I hope the film industry takes a good long look at these films and learns from them.  Audiences are willing to wait for the pay-off, we're willing to tackle difficult things, we're willing to fall in love with what we see on the screen if the writers and producers and directors put the effort into allowing it.

That said...

I really liked this movie overall, but I went into it really wanting two specific things for myself, and I didn't get them.  In fact I kind of got the opposite of them, and a lot of my coming to terms with the movie has been coming to terms with just... not getting what I wanted.  And finding a way to be okay with that.  

I wanted Tony to live - and if you're back here behind my spoiler cut, you know I didn't get that one.  It was really hard to lose him.  He was my favorite character in this whole crazy cast. I loved that he could be so wrong sometimes, and with so much utter conviction.  I loved that he could be terrified out of his mind and then just do the terrifying things anyway, because somebody had to, and he could.  I loved how smart he was, and how vulnerable he was, and how he built walls of words to defend himself and define himself.  I loved how hard he loved the people that HE loved, and how much he was willing to do for them.  I loved how great he was with kids (and I love that he got one of his own!) and I love how that seemed at least in part because he never finished growing up himself.

So while I am wrecked that this is the end of Tony in this particular strand of the comics universe, I can't deny that it is 100% true to who he was. He was always going to be the guy who would do this, if it needed to be done.  And it did, so he did it, and it broke my heart - but in the end I have to be okay with it, because yeah.  That was Tony Stark, distilled down to his purest self.  I hated it, but I also loved it, and more importantly I think, I bought it.

I also really would have loved to have a kind of on-screen farewell to my pairing, and I didn't get that, either.  I'm a Science Boyfriends kinda gal, and there was almost zero interaction between Bruce and Tony - there was zero relevant interaction.  But it is what it is - this was never going to be everything to all people, and that's one of the relationships that didn't get priority.  I'm okay with that, too - mainly because its absence means they didn't do anything TERRIBLE to it, either!  When it comes to my pairings, I'd far rather TPTB leave them alone than do something I don't like.  That said - it would have been nice if they'd you know, exchanged a couple of lines?  And it would have been SUPER nice if Bruce had been around to react to Tony's death. Getting past it, getting past it.... ;)

My biggest fear going into this movie was that it would kill my fannishness about the Avengers.  I just recently rediscovered it, and I've been writing like a MAD thing.  I've stayed up too late writing, I've gotten up way to early to write... I've written through nights when I was supposed to be raiding with my online pals, or watching stuff with my housemates.  I've definitely done quite a lot of writing when I was supposed to be working! And it's been fun, and it's felt really good, and I just didn't want to lose it.  I missed fandom and other fans, and I missed caring so much about characters and pairings.  Having it all back again these past couple of months has been a blast -- so I went into Endgame a) pretty sure they were going to kill Tony and b) pretty sure that killing Tony would kill my fannish joy.

I am happy to report it did not.  I'm still in love, and I'm still writing like crazy.  I gave myself some pretty stern talking-tos in the lead-up to the movie, along the lines of "Are you really going to let a couple of rich white geekboys decide what happens to YOUR Tony Stark?" and in short form, "CANON IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"  I think it helped.  I'm still here, anyway!

There are a few other things I really didn't like.  One - the CGI for Bruce was a horror show for me.  It landed right in the Uncanny Valley, and I could barely stand to look at him on screen.  Every time he showed up, it was like a cartoon character appearing in my live action show.  I think that actually may have helped me with the Tony thing, though -- because it yanked me out of the movie when Bruce was onscreen, and that gave me the distance I needed to not become a puddle of shivering misery on the floor when Tony died saving the world.

Don't get me wrong - I really do like that he's able to integrate now.  I like that he has control.  Still, I'm not sure this is a road I ever really want to go down in my writing.  I like Hulk too much to want to see him essentially killed by Bruce (which is kind of how I'm reading this.)  I get that Hulk IS Bruce IS Hulk and if I were his therapist I'd be all over it.  But I'm not his therapist - I'm one of his slashfic writers.  And as such, I prefer him splintered and angsting over it.  :)

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Natasha, and I'm not sure they're particularly coherent.  I think if Endgame had happened exactly the way it did, WITHOUT the disgusting Ultron lines about how she's a monster because she can't have kids, I'd be fine.  As it is, Ultron happened and then Natasha gave herself up for a guy with a family, and from a purely Doyle-ist perspective I find that sequence of events suspect, and deeply gross.  

On the other hand, from a purely Watsonian perspective, I fully agree with what  <a href="https://cesperanza.tumblr.com/post/184622436895/i-cant-believe-that-as-a-prominent-woman-in">cesperanza had to say about Nat</a>, so I'm just going to let that stand for me, too.

Probably the final thing I didn't like was fat!Thor.  I do get the arguments on the other side of this, that it's cool to show even a super hero can get depressed and live off cheez whiz and get fat and disaffected. But I also think that's not all there is to this; I think you don't make Chris Hemsworth run around in a fat suit without on some level doing it for the point-and-laugh. And I find that kind of "joke" toxic and disgusting.  I'm not going to go on and on about it here, but in short just - a world of no from me on that.  

So what's my score so far?  2 things I wanted but didn't get, 3 things I didn't like?  But on the bright side...it's now time to move along to the bright side! And the bright side is pretty damn bright.

I was incredibly happy that Tony and Steve were able to repair their relationship.  Civil War was such a tough movie to watch, and while there was at least a thread of hope for them at the end of it, this resolution was a long time coming.  They're so very different in their worldviews and methods, but so very alike in their absolute dedication to protecting people and doing the right thing - the friction has always made perfect sense, but getting to see them come to terms with each other ... that's something I have really wanted for a long time.  I was extremely sad watching Tony just chew into Steve at the beginning of Endgame, but not at all surprised - Tony was completely done in, physically, mentally and emotionally.  Just seeing Tony that physically wasted and weak was hard.  Steve's reactions to it were perfect, though, just perfect.  I don't think I could have asked for any more than I was given for the two of them.  

I loved Tony's relationship with his daughter - in fact, I love Tony's relationship with every character below the age of majority that he's ever been on screen with.  Tony may be my OTP (One True Parent) in fact - he's just so deeply interested in these kids (Harley, Peter, Morgan) as human beings.  And he treats them oddly as equals, while still somehow managing to parent well for each of them.  He's hilarious and snarky and caring and he connects.  I don't know, I just adore it.  We didn't get to spend a lot of time with Morgan, but it was obvious she adored Tony and was well on her way to growing up to be just like him, and I wholly approve.  

And before I leave the topic of kids - Tony mourning Peter broke my heart, and his love for Peter when he came back knitted it back together again (that hug omg, </3 -> <3) and then Peter's breakdown when Tony was dying, finally calling him "Tony" instead of Mr. Stark or sir...there it goes, heart broken again.  BROKEN.

I and the rest of the universe loved Steve wielding Mjolnir (and Thor KNEW it!). We all saw this coming from way back at the party in Ultron, and a part of what this series of movies has managed to do that I love is take moments like that, a billion movies ago at this point, and pay them off one by one.  Sure, it's fan service, but because they were patient, it feels earned.  I adore it.

I'm going to wrap this up for now because if I don't, it's never getting posted - I have a ton of thoughts and even MORE feelings about this movie, and I'll be posting more of them because how can I NOT.  But I do want to talk a little about one of the major things that literally filled me with joy: 

The return to Avengers 2012!!! <3 <3 <3

I just want to go back and live there - like, I want to build a tinyhouse with a telescope in the window and just stare at it all from the shadows forever.  I could literally sit for days upon days of "what happened in Avengers 2012 around what we saw on the screen in Avengers 2012" - that could be an entire TV series and I would tune in for every freaking episode.  It was SO. MUCH. FUN!  From "feel free to clean up..." to "take the stairs" and "SO MANY STAIRS" to Loki pretending to be Steve and Loki stealing the tesseract and poofing out to Thor saving Tony with his hammer and both of them so jazzed about it... OMG.  I just love it all, and I'm so happy they did it.  I loved everything around it - I loved Bruce trying half-heartedly to smash, I loved the Sorceress Supreme up on the rooftop fighting the Chitauri, I loved Bruce getting smacked out of Hulk and Hulk on a lounge chair with a sunhat over his face.  EVERYTHING.  I just.  <3

I went into Endgame expecting the worst for my favorite character, and I got the worst for him.  But the more I think about this movie, the more I find that it's a happy place for me. It gave me what I didn't want and it made me like it.  Like - a LOT.  I went into it expecting/fearing that it would kill my fannishness about Avengers, and it's done the exact opposite - it's brought me back into fandom, back into contact with fans, back into thinking all the thoughts and feeling all the feelings and wanting to share them with other people who are thinking and feeling about the same thing.  

I feel like this entire series of movies, this slate of characters, this universe they've built - it's a gigantic wonderful amazing heartbreaking heartmending accomplishment, and I'm just super glad it's all here, and that I got to experience it all.  

(And I can't wait to write a metric fuckton of stories that ignore it! Tony may be gone in this timeline, but he's never going to die in mine, damn it!)

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[lumosdracarys-blog]

my first ever writeblr tag!

Thanks to @amerritts-wip​ for tagging me in this! Let’s get on to the questions: 

1. What is your biggest writing goal?

To write something that I’m truly, 100% proud of. I’m my worst critic and I’m really hard on myself, so it would be nice to be in love with something I created. 

2. Do you have more than one wip? If yes, which is your favorite?

Technically, yes. My current WIP, which I’m tentatively calling Project Dark, is part of a series. That series’ general story arc is in the works. 

3. Are you a planner when it comes to your wip? Or do you just go with an idea?

I am very much a planner. I outline everything down to individual scenes, but I’m flexible about it. If something inspiring comes along or if my characters decide to take the scene elsewhere, I go with it and plan around that.

4. Do you have a ritual when writing?

I always use the pomodoro method, which means I set a timer (using the app Focus Timer) for 25 minute writing sessions. In between those sessions, I take 5 minute breaks to browse reddit.com/r/writing. I also try to watch a writing vlog before my first session of the day, for added inspiration. 

5. Do you like writing heroes or villains more? Why?

Most of the time, I really enjoy writing heroes. I love watching them struggle with their responsibilities and morality. They have a lot more at stake than villains in my opinion. However, currently I am LOVING writing the villain for Project Dark. The badassery is strong with this one. 

6. Who is your favorite character to write or that you’ve ever written? Why?

I love writing my main character in Project Dark, Lady Alisoun Bertrand. I’m only 20k words in, but I’ve already come to love her so much. I’m most excited about writing the character of her bodyguard, Symon, though. His sarcasm bled through immensely on his character sheets, so I can’t wait to see how that’ll transfer to the actual novel. 

7. Do you prefer to start your story with dialogue, backstory, or description?

It really depends on the project. With Project Dark, I dove head-first into the prologue with the action of a heart-breaking situation. It felt so raw and I really like where I went with it. 

8. Is there someone who inspires you to write? If yes, then who?

Brandon Sanderson, who wrote the Mistborn series. I’m reading that now, and the worldbuilding and magic systems just blow my mind with how intricate and well thought out they are. I’m in awe. George R. R. Martin as well, because, well, duh. 

9. If you had to choose one genre to write for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Fantasy! It’s my favorite genre, and there are so many different routes you can take while writing it. It really allows me to be as creative as possible. 

10. Are you going to dedicate your wip to anyone?

Me, myself, and I, because I’m the only one who cares about my WIP, LOL. 

11. Do you write as often as you’d like? 

I write almost every day, even if it’s as little as a few hundred words. I write in the mornings, but I sometimes find myself wishing that I had the energy to write more when I get home from work. 

Thanks again to @amerritts-wip for tagging me in my first ever tag here on writeblr. I’m tagging @cant-resist-temptation, @the-real-rg, @minnowf, and @writeflair. My questions for y’all are:

1. What’s the best piece of writing advice you’ve ever received? 2..What was the most difficult scene to write in your WIP? 3. Are you a part of any writing communities? 4. Which do you plan first: plot or characters?  5. Are you planning on publishing your WIP? Traditionally or self-publishing? 6. Do you post your writing online, or do you prefer to keep it a secret? 7. Are you participating in Camp NaNoWriMo in July? Or NaNoWriMo in November? 8. Do you prefer to write in a notebook or on your computer? 9. Describe your WIP’s “aesthetic.” 10. Would you be friends with your characters in real life? 11. What are some of your favorite writeblrs? 

[rasenkaikyo]

Hina’s Twitter #DailyHeadcanons (thus far)

If you’ve been tracking my Twitter you have probably seen me attempting to put out various headcanons per day for my OCs, and catching up on days where I don’t. Most of them have been about Hinako. Here are all of those to current, including those from a “1 like = 1 headcanon” thread a while back (Thanks again to everyone who contributed to that with a like!).

Hinako is effectively a secular geomancer, as her art has the similar structure but the foundation of different pretenses oriented about the importance of kami.

Because the kami manifest in any aspect of nature, from the rocks to every living individual, the use earth wind and water are construed to be pure, positive manifestations of kami essence, hence their extensive use in shinkan healing, sealing and purging.

Shinkan principle also includes the light of kami, the purported manifestation of soul, which bears resemblance to white magic of the west. Some of the more potent spells, however, extrapolate from one's self more than the latent aether around them, in accordance with soul.

Hinako bears a soul crystal that has long been shared among kannushi of her former temple. It appears as a magatama made of jade.

The shakujo Masakaki, validated in the lorebook in its use originally as a ritual stand, is standard for the temple priests that become shinkan. In their case it became a signature aid only after the priests adopted a versatile field-based approach.

Spells, too, evolved as priests took a more active role beyond their normal bounds, whereas originally such cants were usually full blown norito - prayers of testament to the kami. Hinako recites norito and meditates daily to steel herself in advance.

Hinako's bloodline is a Hingan clan that began as naught more than dairy farmers in the north end of Koshu, rising to status of preeminent warriors to protect their land during the Age of Blood. Pragmatically they allied with the Mitsurugi clan at war's end and remain prominent.

Hinako can detect differences in the flow of aether and by extension any atypical and anomalous areas. Especially where the veil is thin or where something might be lurking, she can manipulate natural energies to pull out what is hiding behind the veil or even open gateways.

Yukai, the Hidden World, is the eminent alternate facet of reality overlapping the known world, where the supernatural can hide or cross over - from yokai to voidsent to the spirits of Reikai and the kami of Shinkai. It is also the most viable one within reach of Hina's magic.

Hinako's equivalent of Holy is the norito-koto Mabataki, an emergency purifying technique described as a projection of the user's spirit, a single blinking eye of the kami making its victims flinch. Its greater counterpart, combining latent aether, is Qi Release: Tenbatsutekimen.

A big influence to Hina of late has been Saint Martha from Fate, due to her voice HC being Hayami Saori. It works well with Hina, as she is of staunch discipline but it hasn't always been that way. Her strength lends both to her constitution and her potential to deck you.

One of Hinako's mother Honoka's favorite things to do was make jewelry out of flowers preserved in resin. She gave these delicate lucky charms in some form to all the important people in her life: chiefly, her brother Yoshichika, her husband Katanobu, and her first child Hina.

Iwa-no-Sato, Hinako's home village, was reputable in a few ways, but the strangest thing it was notable for were the numerous tapirs that dwelled in and around the village and temple; the result of a foreign trader's misfortune and several of the non-native animals escaping.

Iwa-no-Sato, once a lively hub between regions of Othard, has since been abandoned when the 12th Legion made a sweeping effort to eradicate pocket cells of the Resistance after Doma's razing. Its tenkonto has been destroyed and its falcon porter displaced.

As described in roleplay with Tola, Yugiri's refugee convoy was not immediately turned away from Hingashi, but given temporary respite in Kugane while pleas of asylum were attempted to the island chain and at the Thavnairian Consulate.

Hinako has a way of conveying her general intentions without uttering a word, in a similar manner to the Qestir, to those with whom she has formed a bond. Perhaps the most intrinsic, complete link of this sort has been made with Mozu.

Hinako didn't initially take up her priest discipline with grace as a child. She was stubborn and reckless and blamed Granddad for her parents leaving them.

She kinda Didn't Understand and Morimoto wasn't the best teacher for her from an emotional point. Although she is far more cool and composed now, occasionally she can still be a little... snappy.

During her training, Hinako was taught in martial arts and swordsmanship not just for the skill, but for the principles in the art meant to bolster the mind, body and spirit. Methods of precision and awareness would be carried on in her strength as a priest.

One treasure of the Daigo clan is Dojigiri, a katana of mythic quality carried in the family for ages and supposedly once wielded by Morimoto himself. It was named for having slain an oni in legend; stained with the demon's blood, the blade gained a fiery glow.

The existence of aramitama and nigimitama are important concepts in Hinako's belief. They are considered facets of the spirit endemic to all souls, including two additional 'hidden' facets. Maintaining a sense of balance is key to Hinako's regular meditation.

As countering excess aramitama with force is one means to dispel it, Hinako has proposed friendly 'healthy' sparring with Mozu, with a degree of mutual benefit - placing faith not in that Mozu couldn't kill her but she can take anything Mozu delivers regardless.

There are ritual ways to let one's aramitama pour out or boil over to see release. These methods are naturally considered quite dangerous as they often see the subject in a berserk state for the duration of release.

"Yuniwa" is the term the shrine priests have given to similar principles Asylum and Sacred Soil; a section of purified earth with the original purpose of helping connect with kami, it encourages healing the body and spirit.

The ancestry of Hinako's profession can be traced to early geomancers, Auri shamans from the north, and Raen priests from the Ruby Sea - the latter carrying principles of Kojin magic and religion.

Hinako regularly commits a part of her prayers to her girlfriend, bidding the kami to ever watch over her. She also always sends a small prayer in Susano or Byakko's name whenever she sees a thunderstorm, be it overhead or looming majestically in the distance.

Subtly tied around near the base of Hinako's right horn is what seems to be a single little flower-shaped ornament, not dissimilar to the blossoms that she at times wears on her head or as a necklace. This is in fact her linkpearl.

My timeless #DailyHeadcanon is one that spawned when @catearenthusiast​ took a candid shot of Hina from behind a cake, it was decided that after Hinako had tried cake for the first time while in Eorzea she has been enamored with the decadence and artistry of cakes ever since.

Hinako has a comprehensive understanding of tending to plants for it was important to take care of the sacred trees in and around the shrine, like the 'sakaki', but there have been times where she would plant new flowers and the like in areas for the beauty of it.

Hinako is known to have been bold and spirited from a young age. Occasionally she would steal away with her longtime friend Mine and peruse the vibrant streets of Doma proper, enjoying the myriad food and craft stands.

In the end, the truest form of soul is pure and good; there is no 'evil' in Hina's belief, only that which has been tainted along the way. It is for this reason that she gives a prayer to any life lost in this world regardless of circumstance, including Imperial Garleans.

Hinako has not just a perception of one's individual aether up close, but of the "current" or distribution of aether over a broader range, which allows her to head to general points of interest. Of course, she cannot pinpoint exact spots from too far a distance.

While she is very cognizant of large areas of instability, like constant ones such as the crystal embedded in Pharos Sirius or the entire region of Mor Dhona, or something as drastic as a primal summoning, more centralized forms of corruption are a harder read from malms away.

It is believed that in the beginning of days, the great kami walked freely in the Natural World. Things changed over time, however, and eventually the kami could only hold a more subtle or latent presence without being a detriment to the land and qi around them.

Of Hinako's spiritual awareness, arguably nowhere is as potent a place to be than in the Black Shroud. The uniquely teeming nature of the "kami" there leaves the priestess particularly keen about her surroundings unlike any other location she has known.

Hinako regularly forwards the large part of her earnings in tending to property or for others' benefit, at times to the point where she barely has any money for herself. Seeing that she's not one to ask for favors, Mozu (or Mine) tends to treat her on worse days.

Hinako occasionally indulges herself in tea ceremonies, and in the beginning Mozu would merely watch from afar, then later be encouraged to partake herself. The first time Hina did it with Mozu after Doma's liberation, they finished it with a kiss. uwu

Hinako dresses fairly straight-forward as a priest, but she's fond of pretty kimonos and dresses with brighter tones or soft pastels. She would have gone and perused Doman vendors for such, and such went into the dress she took up after starting out in Eorzea.

Aside from her flowery preferences, she may have also chosen to somewhat invoke the spirit of a journeying summoner from Far Eastern lore of ages past...

During her initial Eorzean travels, Hinako happened upon the shop of an Ala Mhigan pâtissier. Beholding the immaculate confections, she just had to purchase a piece of cake. She has loved the dessert since. (xoxo @kukurubean )

On some days when Mozu is gone for a mission, Hinako will kinda just... try on Mozu's kimonos and gear, and walk about or exercise in them. She also times this in ways where she'll show up in Mozu's gilet at 893 HQ, mostly for sake of reactions (esp. from Kiri).

Erring away from the somber epithet Hōzuki, Hinako has come to give Mozu an occasional nickname of her own: "Suzume", literally sparrow, drawing from themes of her family. She will endearingly call her girlfriend her "little sparrow" as well.

Suzu is a logical shortening of this also.

Following the apropos advice of a Valentione's Day fortune-teller, Hina's idea of making the most of the day was to take Mozu into the scenic Yanxian peaks, just as Honoka did with her as a child. She could scarce think of anyone better to share the view with.

Hinako's Magatama, her soul crystal, is regularly attached to a rosary (juzu) firmly wrapped around a band on her arm, and comes into play in various practices. Such use was adapted mainly from ascetic monks in the region. 

Against Mozu's swifter and precise methods, Hinako was taught to "stand with the might of the mountain kami" around her, firm and strong. It is for this reason that she is more durable than she appears, and capable of hauling a grown Auri man pretty easily.

The priests of Iwa often worked afield when called to task for their cleansing and purification rituals -- which due to the potential unknowns, the invisible threat, meant the necessary garb of Doman iron plate armor and underlying chain mail.

As a child, Hinako would engage with other kids in staging elaborate, jidaigeki or chanbara-coded pretend play, in which almost every time Hina herself was a samurai warrior - doubtlessly inspired by her father and grandfather.

Although she would now downplay her capability for physical combat and err away from violence, perhaps it isn't so farfetched that she took to learning the sword.

🌸🌸🌸

[daddy-bean-boy]

FMP - Table Top - Evaluation

Earlier this year I wrote my project proposal, proposing the idea for my FMP that I had imagined. The original idea is different in a few ways but ultimately the final product reflects the proposal’s intentions. Other than my admiration for the 1930′s aesthetic which I wanted to achieve, I also wanted to improve my skills outside of my “comfort zone”. I planned this through having a live action side to my animation. This was the part which I knew would create the most challenge, and I can safely say it was. I had to prepare what settings I would have the camera on, create a filming environment that was suitable for the animation and include tracking points. I succeeded in creating the environment I wanted to film in, and I even thought my camera movements came out smooth. This was all from the help of tools I practiced with such as the glide rail. This helped get a smooth panning camera shot I needed of the table. Aside form what when well with this portion of the FMP, I would definitely improve the contrast in which I filmed in. The light bloom of the room gave an overly saturation scene in some cases and this makes it very hard to motion tack using after effects. This is what I am most disappointed with. The tracking in some scenes brings the characters I have drawn, out of the world as they slide because the tracking is unstable. Despite this however, I have gained experience in media creation that I wouldn’t have if these subtle difficulties weren’t there, because then I wouldn’t needed to have found out how to improve them.  I’m now more knowledgeable of Adobe software like After Effects and Premier Pro because of this. Specifically with my interest in animation, I would now be able to more carefully prepare myself when composing animation over a live action scene. With learning about software and cinematography, a lot of my aspiration was based on the appeal I have of old era animation from the 1930′s. I wanted to recreate the fluid movement and pioneered techniques that are all but unseen in today's industry. At the time of writing my proposal, I was unaware of how many rules an set backs this level of animation restricts you to. This is where my first major turn in the road had to be realized. I would not be able to perfectly recreate the style of animation with the resources I had. And this was okay, it just meant my animation would be more a homage to it. This was due to me using a computer for animation, as it would be impractical to hand draw within the given time. However, despite digitally creating all the animation I found I can still create the fluid and smooth motion. I found out that among the society of classic animators (Because there are animators who purely use tweening and bone tools etc.) there are 12 rules that following will bring frame by frame animations to life. This is what I decided I would follow as closely as possible while animating, even creating a practice animation in preparation. I had eventually re used this animation after much more practice and changed it ever so subtly, however it had a big impact on the realism of the movement. The most important thing to me, even from the proposal was learning what I now know to be “form”, moving a 2 Dimensional character believably in a 3rd Dimensional way. Now that I’ve come to the end of the project time, I’ve been given perspective on how long this animation takes and why industries have elected to using quicker less costly methods that sacrifice quality. A great help for me during the lengthy process was actually critically watching over animated shorts and films. I watched a lot of Studio Ghibli movies while making the FMP and listening to the studios methods. The films animation is so fluid and believable. Creator Hayao Miyazaki, gives a lot of credit to “people watching” saying almost every movement is based on the way he’s seen others move. This gave me a lot of thought and motivation to keep drawing even when I had little motivation. Time became the biggest obstacle in the end. As I plan on still producing the rest of the animation in my spare time, I discovered ways to make it feel less of a chore. In my original proposal, I had about a month of time allocated to production. While this seemed like enough, I didn’t factor in all the bits that get in the way. For example, keeping up with blogging. I needed to explain everything I was doing and learning through out. This is because while I was producing it wasn’t just drawing, I kept making each key framed drawing based on knowledge I had from the principles of animation. Each key frame I wanted to have Arching Motion, Slow Inns and Slow Outs, Squash and Stretch, and finally Exaggeration. The biggest incorporation that took more time than expected was anticipation and overshoot. This is having frames before and after slowly build up and release the momentum of an action. These were the main principles I focused on. Having to consider each one with each drawing made it much more lengthy than I had intended. I see this as good in a way, because if I was speeding through, then all the high level animators who say frame by frame takes years would false. Although, I have complete just over 50′s which is around the length I had originally intended. My miss sight was with story. Where I had wrote the story of the animation, it would’ve been impossible to fit it all in a minute. This lets me know I had carried myself away with a complex story that had a beginning, middle and end. I should have stuck to a simple plot, maybe not even having the second character “Shaker” who didn't make it into the FMP (as of hand in). 

The research I did throughout my FMP was the foundation to everything that I made the film on. The live action cross animation was heavily inspired from the video made by “PWow” on YouTube, entitled “How to make the space jam effect in after effects”. It walked through using after effects to track the motion into a null object and us that tracking information to move the animated character. This had a large impact on my project because it’s literally what let me compose characters into a world as if they are sitting in that plane and moving with it. Obviously like I said this effect I didn't use to its best ability. With more carefully thought out lighting and use of objects. Something through research I found, in Rodger Rabbit, a film I used as inspiration for it feature length use of pioneering animation and live action, they had used objects in the live action footage that mimicked the 3D space of the character that would be imposed over the footage. This let the artists know how they would appear in that space, how the light might affect it and also, if the camera moves, the animator will know exactly where they should be. I think if I recorded live action for animation again, I would do this. It would’ve allowed me to make a much smoother tracking scene for him, by drawing over the top of the cup in real life, following its shape as the angle changes and the camera pans. I even might have just skipped the camera pans all together. Saving myself the trouble of having to track could’ve given me more production time. This would have given me more time, however I learnt a lot of how after effects works and interacts with information to create motion, and that will lead me to being able to create better things in the future. I said in my proposal that I might use a mood board to remind myself of what research I had done and what from it I should use within my animation that I would reflect on. I actually found that the aesthetic comes with simple and appealing character design and the animation itself cant just be a reference to a mood board, it requires more critical thinking. This is where my research lead me to the most useful influence I had when drawing, these being the “12 Principles of animation”, which I originally discovered from Allan Becker, a legendary YouTube self made animator, but written originally by Ollie Johnston and Frank Thomas. These were two Disney animators who wrote this in the book “The Illusion of Life : Disney Animation” in 1981. Not quite the 1930′s but the principles were based off all Disney learned of animation over the years of making movement look as though it were living movement. While it made my animation appear much better than I would have expected, I think it would have helped if I had delved into each one, with practices and experimentation on them. I could’ve done quick sketch animations that would individually go through them. I said how I wanted to post a lot of my research based on YouTubers and entertainment that inspires me, I think I did well keeping to this and it still remains one of my favorite ways to motivate me. I never feel more like animating than after watching a well animated short of film. However, I do take all my inspiration from similar things. Studio Ghibli and Disney classics both use flowing hand drawn frame by frame and the YouTube Animators I watch also take inspiration from them. This actually worries me because a lot of people who take their inspiration from one source end up creating “unintentional rip offs” which end up becoming someone else’s work through your hands. And that way there no creative thinking to the production. With this in mind, my future animations will be less an homage to a style, and more of an exploration of my own animating style and being more experimental, so there’s less restrictions limiting me to possibly become tunnel visioned when animating.

Taking all that I can from this project, I’ve been left in a better place than when I started for sure. Though my actual animation hasn’t reached its conclusion, all that I have gained from it is more than worth it. I’ve never had an incentive to be overly interested in cinematography, however, I wanted to experiment regardless to see if I could create a believable character in a believable world. Not believable as in it were real, but believable in the sense that its weight, appeal and body language could make sense if it were int he world its presented in. This was the goal I wanted to achieve. All these came into factor when I was researching. Aside from the composition, the second thing I wanted to achieve was the aesthetic. This mostly came into play when choosing character design and the frame by frame animation. There where a few secondary features I used to add to this, such as the film grain (dust and scratches) that I layered over the top of all the footage. These were commonly present in movies of the 30′s because all films were physical strips that could be damaged. All these attributes I believe made the 30′s aesthetic. I’m very pleased with how it looks and I think it was successful. The main thing that brought the believe-ability away was the poor tracking in some cases, where you can see the tracking slide along surfaces. This is something I will take steps to avoid in the future, hopefully to make an even more believable character. Overall, my appreciation for the style is stronger than before, I know how difficult and thought provoking frame by frame can be. Tracking might be something I use scarcely in the future and live action backgrounds can be a refreshing break from animation. For my aspiration of becoming an animation artist (in-between animator and higher) these things will certainly bring me closer to being able to fit into that work environment and understand the process behind it so that I might one day direct my own feature animation.